Jesse (dont_help_me) wrote in deathbyana,

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels

Don't do anything today, you'll regret tomorrow

If you feel hunger, you are losing fat

A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips

The difference between want and need is self control.

Perfection is easy, it equals not being fat

Everything depends on the right action of will.

Food is a hinderance to your progress.

Calories can't make you happy

say yes to thin and no to food

cravings are only a feeling

Cravings will pass

The more they give me, the less I eat

Fridge pickers wear big knickers

be somebody

eat to live, not live to eat

you are fat, accept and attack it

control what others can't

Do you want to be associated with the word chubby?

Go ahead and eat, stay fat.

rich or poor, life is better thin

give up something good for something better

nothing tastes as good as thin feels

Don't give up five minutes before the miracle

Don't just grab at the first thing that comes along. Know when to refuse something that won't get you anywhere.

It is the mind that makes the body

Those 4:00 hunger pains are striking you hard. It's the *fat time* of the day when you're starving and you appetite is telling you to over eat. But whatever you do RESIST THE TEMPTATION!!!"

I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light, light-headed I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling light. For me, food's only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist - each time achieving another small victory of the will:

Nothing is so bad that losing weight won't cure.

They always say they're concerned about me, about my health, when all they want to do is control me. They want to pin me down and force-feed me with lies, with what they call love. Like prisoners everywhere, all I have left is the power to refuse.

Most women live their lives in a state of starvation..Why should I be any different?

It was simple: You decided once and for all that you werent going to eat and then there would be no further decisions to make

The word fat assumed a meaning as deadly as cancer. Getting fat was worse than losing your job, worse than being jilted at the altar, worse than living in a trailer park and growing up without shoes. You need to start watching yourself, my Mom said, before it's too late.

People don't see me. No one sees me. It's like being fat. No one takes you seriously. You just don't exist- you're so big, you're not even there

I ignore the growling in my stomach. The hunger, the emptiness. I ignore every bit of it.

Women prepare the food, but mustn't eat it.

Don't be prisoner to your tastebuds

never allow yourself to feel full

quote about the Venus of Willendorf : I look upon this sculpture with disgust. I feel shame at her size and obvious distortions of the human anatomy. To me this doesn't symbolize life and fruitfulness, but early death and a body burdened down with layer upon layer. Of course, there is no face. When a person is this size, the body is the focus, not the face or extremities.. Sad to say, a non person, only obesemass, signified,in this sculpture

quote:I see them all the time, women hauling their carcasses around as if that flesh were somewhere they just happened to live, real estate they had merely to maintain. As if janitorial services were enough. As if they had no choice but to live in that particular, imperfect form

quoted : So you say you aren't happy being over weight. You're depressed because your closets are full of clothes that you once wore but can't even fit one leg into now. The last time you were able to see your butt in the mirror it was screaming "HELP" as it waved goodbye. Your favorite saying is "One more potato chip can't possibly make a difference". Face it, you are a lazy, fat, useless piece of cr@p would couldn't stay on a diet for more than a day even if someone offered to pay you to lose the weight

Thin is a thin does

Do you like that food enough to wear it?

food is a enemy, not a treat. The real deprivation is never being thin

An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist - but ordinary's just not good enough today.

Help! I'm a Failure!
Okay, let's assume you've hit rock bottom.
For example, let's assume that you are...
Very overweight
Flat broke
In a job you hate
Totally lacking in confidence
Ground Zero, right?
What should you do next?
Lose weight.
No, I'm not joking!
Losing weight is the fastest, cheapest
and most effective way to
turn your life around.
And that's the truth.
Yes, it may take some effort.
It may take you a while.
But hey! Anyone can do it.
Even you.
I mean, be honest for a moment.
What stands in your way?
Answer: Nothing!
And you can't say that about most other things.
So pick yourself up.
Dust yourself down.
And give it a whirl!
It's fantastic therapy.
And it may change your life.
I see it happen all the time.

Here are some tips for losing weight. It's more or less just common sense but feel free to use them. 1. Drink plenty of water. It's best to buy bottled water and then save then 20 ounce bottles and refill them, keeping it in your fridge. It will make it easier to drink. I would recommend trying drink about 10-20 bottles of water, working up to the latter. Try not to drink some much diet soda and when you drink coffee, drink it black with such a little sugar or low calorie sugar.

2. Become a vegetarian. Meat has alot of saturated fat and fat. It also has alot of calories and is a pitiful little animal. Do you want to eat a litttle animal? *tears*. When you become vegetarian, don't just come out of blue and stop eating meat. Read books and become informed in the healthy way to become a vegetarian. They are websites too, that help. I recommend reading "Total Health for you and your family, the vegetarian way" by Virginia Mezzia.

3. Eat slow. Sit fork or spoon down between meals. Chew slow. Eat calmly and drink water with every meal. If you feel out of control, count silently to ten and push food away. Take serval sips of water and then to eating.

4. Always take a vitamin to make up for your restrictive behavior.

5. Only eat nonfat or low fat dairy foods. Regular dairy has at least 5 grams of saturated fat. You cannot lose weight eating that stuff. Diet food is what will help you lose weight, take it from someone who knows.

6. Exercise thirty minutes everyday. It will speed up your metabolism. Work out videos are always good as well as treadmills or jogging or jumping rope.

7. Control your portion sizes. Did you know that half a cup of vegetables like green beans count as 2 servings as vegetables. Most canned food or frozen food contains about 4 servings of vegetables. As a rule, half a cup is about a serving size. You can find creative ways to save calories. One way is to have only half a cup of nonfat milk on your cereal or to have half a banana instead of a whole. You get the idea.

8.Don't try to restrict all at once. Do it slowly. Cut back a little at first and then works eating less at each meal. If you exercise, you can eat probably from 1200-1400 calories and lose weight. If you don't exercise, you could probably eat up to 1300 or less.

9. Avoid processed easy access food such as fig newtons, cereal bars, pop tarts, cookies, high fat crackers or chips. Easy access foods suck because they are easy to binge on. One tip I have learned is that when it comes to food, the less ingredients it has, the better. Go for whole grain foods and vegetables and fruits.

10. Question why you are eating. Always write down the calories resulting from the food before you eat them. It's a good habit to get into to avoid binges.

11. Keep busy. Read. Do a crossword puzzle. Work a jigsaw puzzle. Sew. Watch a movie. Work out. Go for a walk. Do anything but eat.

12. Eat in the same place everyday and everytime you eat. Do not eat while on online or on the phone or while watching tv. Do not eat while putting groceries away or while preparing other food.

13. Always check labels. Be sure to check how many servings are in the container and multiply that by the calorie number. Do the same thing with the fat grams. Do not eat food that has alot of saturated fat.

14. Do not eliminate fat from your diet. Good sources of vitamin e style fat that is good for hair is low fat mayonaise, peanut butter or nuts or seeds. Measure out serving size. It's best not to have more than 30 grams of fat and only 5 grams of saturated fat.

15. Keep variety in your diet. Try to have alot of different types of fruits and vegetables and whole grains.

16. Be observant. Notice when you binge and what is going on. Write down when a binge occurs, when it happens and emotions. You will learn to regonize your weak points and can work on them.

Things that I have found effective and of value in my weight loss attempts:

1. 1 5 subject notebook to write down calories, quotes, progress and tips and tips and to keep thinspiration pictures.

2. 1 scale. Track your weight. It will motivate. =^_^=

3. 1 tape measurer. Available at Wallmart, or one of those pokey fabrics stores where you can buy material to make your own clothes or sewing projects at.

4.Diet books. Find them. Read them. Get some knowledge. Diet websites help too. My favorites are the Susan Powder books and the Oprah book.

5. 1 calorie counting book. Available at any book store. It has alot of information on foods.

6.One bmi checking site. I found one for you. here

7. Thin pictures of celebrites.

*One out of every one hundred young women between ten and twenty are starving themselves

*anorexia and bulimia primarily affect people in their teens and twenties, but clinicians report both disorders in children as young as 6 and individuals as old as 76.

*8 million people in the US suffer from eating disorders

*15% of young women have some kind of disordered eating patterns

*With treatment, about 60% of people with eating disorders recover. About 20% of people with eating disorders make only partial recoveries. 20% do not improve, even with treatment.

*Without treatment the death rate is around 20-30% due to complications from the illness

*studies indicate that by their first year of college, 4.5 to 18 percent of women and 0.4 percent of men have a history of bulimia

*It is estimated that 200,000 to 300,000 Canadian women aged 13 to 40 have anorexia and twice as many have bulimia

*These illnesses are fatal for 10 to 15% of those affected

*One study of 11 year old girls found that 44% were on a diet to lose weight

*A study of girls aged 9-15 reported that 1 out of 20 had used diet pills, over half excersized, and less that half ate less in attempts to lose weight.

Eating disorders are diseases of silence. We are all silently screaming for something: attention, love, help, escape, or forgiveness. Although we might be looking to fill different voids, we never ask for the things we need. We feel unworthy, that for some reason we don't deserve them. So, we play the game of "guess what I need from you." Your inability to guess just feeds our feelings of worthlessness. When you finally realize there is a problem, it is much too late. We will now fight, lie, and cheat to hold on to the one things that has given us support. You see the symptions, weight loss, weight gain, or depression. You watch us starve, eat, purge, and isolate. you tell us to eat or not eat, to sleep or to get up and do something, you can't understand why we can't just get better. If it were only that easy! Some of us have been living with this, like this, in this hell for half our lives or more. We honestly believe it is the thing holding us together. Even when all others see it as the thing that's making us crumble to peices. It is not just a part of us, but it has become us. It is our identity, and who are we without it? Many of us are afraid to find out. Fearing, without it, we are nothing. It becomes our sole companion. It is the thing that makes us strong, so that we don't need, don't want, and don't feel. It is our cape of invisibility. With it on, you cannot see us, you cannot see our pain and shame, we begin to disappear. Slowly at first and then before you know it, we are gone. Lost in a world of pain. Always fighting for control that we never seem to get. In the beginning, the control is easy and the high from it is incredible. "I cannot eat for 4 days, I can excersize for 4 hours a day, or I can throw up everything I eat. I am in control." But somewhere along the road, we lose that control and the ED takes on a life of its own. We no longer control it. It controls us. We wake in the morning hearing its voice and can't sleep at night because that voice is too loud. We stop listening to anybody except our ED. We believe that we are fat, useless, unworthy, unloveable,and weak. We honestly believe that losing weight will, on some level, make things better. We wake up with thoughts of food, they consume us all day long and often cause sleepless nights. It becomes all that matters. We listen to the voices that constantly tell us we are not good enough, thin enough, strong enough, a little more and then we can stop. But there's always a little more, and it doesn't stop. You may see us hurting ourselves and not understand, but we don't really understand either. We know we must lose weight. We know we must punish ourselves when we feel guilt and shame. We use laxatives, exercise, sleep deprivation, and self-mutilation to take away the pain. Many of us get to the point where the pain is too much and the road so long, we decide it is just not worth it. Since we have no worth, the world will not miss us. If we could just disappear, the pain would go away and we would no longer hurt others with our problems. Death becomes a way out. Can't live forever with an ED, can't live without it. It becomes the question we will ponder for many many years before having a definitive answer. "Do I want to live? Why?" Our reasons not to live may seem mundane to someone without an ED. You cannot feel our emptiness or understand our loneliness. We can't share this world of silence we have made for ourselves. It is the thing that may have saved us in the past and might kill us in the future. You look at the consequences and can't imagine why we would do this to ourselves. We are losing our hair, rotting out our teeth, bleeding when we throw up or even just brush our teeth, dizzy, tired, dehydrated, malnourished, and mentally unstable.

And at some point these things do scare us. The first time throwing up blood, passing out cold, or being admitted is an eye-opening experience, but not usually enough to stop the behaviour. Some of us might even see these consequences as reinforcement that we are succeeding at something. "Look, I'm really good at being eating disordered!" To give that up would be giving up a peice of us that we aren't sure we can live without. It is with us in the morning, telling us to get on the scale for the first test of the day. Even if the number is down, it's never good enough. Then taking a shower where we close our eyes becuase the sight of ourselves is so disturbing. Next is finding something to wear. This can take hours because nothing fits right and everything feels tight. After all of this, it's time for breakfast. No way we can eat after that disappointing morning. The day goes on in the same manner. Nothing is good enough, nothing quite right. So we push ourselves to eat less, run faster, dance longer, whatever we are doing, we must be the best. Then comes night, where the distractions of the day aren't there to drown out the voices. Sleep is difficult when thoughts of hopelessness, self-hate, failures, and suicide ruminate for hours. So instead of trying to sleep, many of us spend endless hours on our computers, exercising, reading, cleaning, anything to avoid sleeping. We eventually sleep for just a few short hours, and then the cycle begins again. Only now, we have to beat the day before, weigh less, eat less, do more. By our side, our faithful coach and partner filling our heads with criticism, demands, and insults. Although we say we hate the voices and the disorder, we don't hate it at all. We love the high of seeing the number go down. We long for that empty numb feeling that comes with starvation. We thrive on what begins as compliments and turns to worry about our weight loss. Nothing gets rid of the feelings the way throwing up does. The disorder is the thing that makes us feel strong and special, while at the same time letting us disappear and run away from life. We will say we don't want your help. Sometimes because we are in denial and actually believe things are fine, sometimes we feel guilty recieving help because we feel unworthy, and sometimes it has just gone on so long that we have given up hope and accepted that "I will live with this until it kills me." When we say we don't want your help, those are the times we need it the most. We need you to stand up for us when we can barely stand, love us when we hate ourselves, hold our hope when we feel hopeless, and never give up on us, the way we give up on ourselves. We will push you away. We will make you angry with us. We will throw tempter tantrums and even throw food. We will close up and lock you out. We will blow off important appointments. We will do the things we've been told we can't: exercize, chew gum, drink Diet Coke, we will push every limit. We do not do these things to hurt you; we are just scared and feel threatened. You want us to give up something we can't imagine living without. So be patient with us. Whether you/re a parent, spouse, friend, therapist, or doctor; there will come a time when we realize what you have done for us. When we reach out and ask for help. When we will ease your burden and start to take care of ourselves. We will share more, smile more, and live more than you have seen us do in years. We may still have negative thoughts, be obsessed with food and body, and eat in a different manner than you, but we have taken a huge step in recovery and the rest will come in time. We may always have issues with food and body, but we now have outlets for our negativity and we know it is all right to ask for help. Just because our symptoms lessen does not mean we no longer need you. We will always need you.

what do i write about living with an eating disorder? or, more accurately, about dying of an eating disorder? i think about how much of my life was stolen from me, by my own doing. yes, the cliche "i'm my own worst enemy" is all too true here.

every memory is tainted and every dream tinged with the pervasive stain of the eating disorder. in fact, as i write, the air is filled with a foul, sour odor, the stench of week-old vomit hidden in a mostly full trash bag. the bag is big, black, invasive, and out of place, much like i picture my disorder. it's like a shadow cast over me at all times, a cloud bobbing around above my head. a silent observer, nodding with approval as i swallow the gut-wrenching pills that make my heart pound; smiling smugly as i bend, gagging and retching, over the cold, white, porcelain bowl; screaming obscene insults and epithets at me if i dare weaken and feed my desperate, deprived body.

there is someone in my head who hates me. they hate me with such a fiery passion, they will torture me until i finally fall dead. then, unsatisfied as always, another innocent girl will fall prey to this monster, this force that enslaves you.

no-one is immune. it spreads like a fungus, rising quickly to epidemic proportions. funny, though, how it makes each of its victims feel so alone and freakish. it controls our eyes and mirrors, manipulating our once-healthy selves in mutants worthy of a sideshow. and cruelest of all, it warps the collective minds of society to view us as either having a harmless quirk, a funny habit; or as being vain, shallow creatures who only care about our appearance. all possible understanding is destroyed as eating disorders corrupt every aspect of society.

dramatic, you may think, an exaggeration. tell that to the millions of girls (and guys) dying in front of your eyes. tell it to the people who love these ruined children, desperate and frustrated and most of all, scared. scared because someone they care about is dabbling in death, and maybe they're a little afraid it could happen to them.

because, sorry, eating disorders don't discriminate. it could very well happen to you, your mother, your brother, your lover. if you think the terrifying reality of eating disorders has no effect on your life, look again. we really do hide it oh-so-well, don't we? we have to, don't think we actually enjoy building our elaborate spiders' webs of lies, so delicate that it could come crashing down at any moment, exposing us for the pathetic beings we are.

you may be disgusted, you might not understand, and someday you too could be one of us. yes, you too could be a part of the glamorous world of calories and laxatives, living under the iron fist of scale worship. if you think a bad hair day is trauma, wait till a number controls your every mood. suddenly, sticking your hand down your throat is a good idea, pain is soothing, and the mirror and measuring tape are you new best friends.

its not as simple as it seems to those on the outside, and it really can happen to anyone, at anytime. so please, don't lecture, don't judge, and don't ignore, because the next prisoner could be you.

*in the US in 1999, 1/5 (20%) of all high school students had seriously considered or attempted suicide in the previous twelve months. 8% actually attempted. 3% of all students attempted and it resulted in injury of some sort, ie. wounds, poisoning, or overdose that had to be treated by a doctor.

*in 1997 suicide was the 8th leading cause of death in the US outnumbering homicides by 3 to 2.

*More men die from suicide than women (4 to 1)

*suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in those aged 15-24

*there are an estimated 8-25 attempts for every successful suicide

*In Canada the rate of suicide is decreasing, but it is still significant. In 1997 3,681 Canadians successfully took their own lives. 51 of those were between the ages of 1 and 14. Nearly 80% of the 3,681 suicides were males.

*men are 4 times more successful than women, but women attempt 2-3 times more often than men.

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic