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anorexic dream

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[14 Mar 2006|08:53pm]

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[24 May 2029|03:54am]


hmmm...But,starving is so convenient and satisfying.

Most of it I agree with, but cutting Calories and working out, but not loseing the weight...scares me. My eating habits are so fucked I dont want to get on the scale for fear of going into a panic attack. I was told I look 140-150...gag.
Does anyone think If eating raw fruits and veggies and packing in two sessions at the gym plus walking like crazy, would show fast results and tone me up by july?

*I've recently discoved ADHD medication give me tons of energy and curbs hunger...but on the other hand its horrible for insomnia. I'd most def recommend ADD/ADHD meds to anyone who is thinking about taking a diet pill...Ridilin and Adderal are most likely much safer then over the counter diet pills(not 100% positive on that)...but look at what eufedra was doing to people taking stackers. One of the biggest ADD/ADHD meds are hard to get ahold of unless you know someone who takes them. If you have either ADD or ADHD they will somewhat sedate you, rather then rev you up.

ADD/ADHD med info

Diet pill info
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[25 Apr 2005|10:25am]

I just moved out of my house aweek ago, and Im now living w/ my friend. Her mom never comes home so its just the two of us...Her and I both get money from our folks for food. She has $40 dollars a week to buy food and such, and I have $25. We are both currently looking for jobs, and cannot afford much to eat. She is used to buying starches (bread rice) to eat because they come cheap...I on the other hand prefer veggies and fruit. She wants to combine money to buy groceries but Id rather buy my own food. Im living in her house, so its a bit hard to tell her no, I wont eat your food...
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X-posted [15 Apr 2005|02:16am]

I need to go on a fast. I told my boyfriend I wont let him see me naked for at least two months. Im going to be 110 at the most...I swear on everything I can do this. I just need some hardcore motivation, someone to keep a check up on me. Will any of you gals/guys out there help me fast/fast w/ me? Im starting As of right now. no food will touch these lips for two weeks.
Leave me a message on LJ
IM me:pinkpanther92887
email me: Xxpain4pleasurexX@hotmail.com
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fatty mc'fat [01 Apr 2005|10:31pm]

[ mood | anxious ]

Hello all.
I haven't updated for the past three months, because I'm so ashamed of my weight balloning up to 135...eck! Im going to school at the ymca and I'm working out everyday, or every other day...sometimes twice a day. Which I will be committing to doing twice a day everyday. I know that weight training is to be done every other day, but I'm going to do some sort of aerobic and cardio exercise everyday. I noticed cellulite on the back of my legs, which has never been there before. My mum said if I continue working out everyday, I'll lose the cellulite, and tone up + drop noticable pounds within 3 months...does that sound right? Anyone have any tips for toning up within 2 months perhaps?

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[14 Jan 2005|12:26am]

I have a damn song stuck in my head and I dont even know who sings it or if I have the words right.
All I know is im hearing,
"SEX BON< SEX BON YOUR MY BON" over and over in my head...but for somereason I think the original lyrics are "CASH BON"
Someone tell me what song this is, before I go stalk mad!
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Just another Barbie w/ her head popped off. [12 Jan 2005|12:42am]


I binged after 6days of my fast.... I'm not goign to weigh myself till the 17th ....Im sorry I screwed up, gals :-/ This means I'm fasting till the end of the month....NO FOOD WHAT SO EVER!

All of ya'll involved in the fast give me your ending results on the 18th.... We'll also do a follow up stats check at the end of the month.

HAR HAR HAR, last thursday on the metro I saw the ugliest obese woman and she was holding a ventii starbucks near her fat sack(crotch area)...ewww I had my camera and should have taken a picture for thinspiration, but I didn't want to ask to snap a photo. HA, what was I to say "Do you mind if I capture youre moment of starbucks delight, while you hold the cup near your oozing of crotch fat." ewwww!!!!! I swear ana ploped me down on that bus just to witness the horrendous site, as a warning not to break my fast...but I didn't listen and soon I will be a tub of lard-ass.


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[05 Jan 2005|12:53pm]

I will not be weighing in untill monday...I want to be suprised when I see the numbers drop. Weighing twice a day or more takes the fun out of the fast for me.
I hit the slopes this weekend, wish me luck and enough energy to survive w/ out giving into food.
Love ya'll,
and hope youre fasting is working.
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Water Fasting List. [03 Jan 2005|11:15pm]

The list of those participating in the two week fast,
is posted in my journal.
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FORGOT* To mention [03 Jan 2005|04:15pm]

I'm starting a pure water fast,
which means absolutely no food
or calorie filled liquids!!
If You are joining the fast,
State your stats and goal.
I will collect info and post
progress of myself and everyone involved.

[EDIT]Buona Fortuna!!
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[03 Jan 2005|03:06am]

Starting a fast...tomorrow morning at 9am
Whoes going to accompany me?
My aim is
PLease IM if you will be joining.
I'm hoping to fast for two weeks
till the 17th.
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Some of you may know me as xmkeitelectricx....this is my ed journal. [29 Dec 2004|08:59pm]

I cut earlier :-(
I promised myself I wouldnt...but my body is already hideous that a few more scars won't make a noticeable difference.
My entire body is burning w/ razer cuts.
I'm still not satisfied...
My ex from Al is visiting WA for the week. Yesterday he came over and we talked, and ended up having sex.
He took a few pictures w/ my digital during, and after he left I looked at them...I'm so grossly fat.ugh, he's prolly just using me for goodbye sex...I'm stressing out over him being in town, so much that I took the time to rant in a few lame advice communities...which didnt help my self-esteem one bit. Most all the responses were, "hes playing you", "guys lie about the number of girls theyve fucked" yadda yadda. Urg! To read what I wrote go here(http://www.livejournal.com/community/biddies/24627.html?view=153139)

Right now It'd be so convenient to take a few sleeping pills and down some shots...
But, I want to leave a nice looking corpse, so I'll let Ana finish me off.
Before yesterday I was trying to not eat...now I don't need to try.
Im not hungry.
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[28 Dec 2004|02:19pm]

what does everyone know about zantrex-3?
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The scale is encypted w/ lies. [22 Dec 2004|05:47pm]
I thought this might motivate some of you cats out there to get of your tush and exercise...cause sitting in your computer chair wasting to bones...won't give you that model thin body.

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[22 Dec 2004|05:19pm]
Stressssssss...I need a long soak in a bubble bath. Last night my mom basically caught me smoking out of my homemade gravity bong...she threatened to call the cops and have them search my room...Thankfully I smoked the last bowl before she found me...I gave her the empty baggy and told her I was dry...but she won't believe me. I'm scared for when she comes home, because if I don't produce any weed shes calling the cops to have a police dog sniff out my room...I don't have any...and the only way to fork over some bud is to buy a sack...but whats the point in buying a dime bag just to prove her right. Makes no sense...either way im trapped.

My ex is staying in Wa till the 28th...he wants to see me...but I swore I'd be down to at least 105Ibs the next time I saw him...I'm on the verge of a panic attack thinking about him. When I went through my manic stage, I was going out with him in a long distance relationship. He moved to AL after 3 months of us going out. He claims the move was my fault cause his mom hated me...which she does...she thought I was the devil...seriously...shes some shrink at my church...haha...But anywho...I'm not sure if im ready to see him. During the summer right after I got out of the hospital, Jon(my ex) came to Wa. He avoided me...till we meet up at church, he wouldnt talk to me..and when I follwed him to ask why, he told me to get away, and that he couldnt stand looking at me, because I looked like a crack whore...I thought we were going out at the time, but I found out later during my mania I had dumped him. I know this was prolly hard for him having to deal with me going though my mania...and, he hadent seen me since he moved 9 months earlier. That day at church was the first time since then, and when he saw me I was drugged up on sedatives to calm the mania. I realize it was hard to see me like that...but why'd he have to cast me aside? He went back to Al a few days later and called to apologize and explain he was scared of what happened to me, and didnt know how to deal...we made up and continued to keep in touch. Now he's back in WA and wants to take me for coffee and apologize to my face...I don't think i'm ready...he hurt me so much...and the shitty thing is now thinking back, I don't think he really cared....aghhhh....today I weigh 126.5.
All I am is a breeding cow...a stupid fucking bitch.

x-mas time is here, and already ive stuffed my face full of crap...maybe cause im on my period...
My mom and I are going to Or to spend x-mas w/ family.
Food is not something that will help me survive this period of hell I'm going through.
I'm planing on buying some Ipecac to sneak down to Or, so I can fake sick...
Do any of you have any tips or warnings on Ipecac?
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[22 Dec 2004|03:46am]
Hi I'm new
Since I was around 9 years old, I've been very self-conscious about my body. I was sexually molested at age 6, and have been told this may be the root of my warped body image. There are many contributing factors that drive my ED. My parents and I don't see eye to eye, I lack respect for authority and all rules. I strive to be a perfectionist and give up because I’m lazy and feel its not worth the effort of doing, seeing as I'll never be, perfect. ”An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person.” I'm impulsive, extreem, nerutic, insane. I recently found out this year I have bi-polar. Six months ago I had a full-blown manic attack which lasted for 3 months. Most of my friends, and family thought I wouldn't recover. I was delusional to the point of believing my boyfriend was Jesus, and I was Mary. I was paranoid the government was spying on me, and George bush was the anti-Christ...My doctor gave me sedatives, which were no help what so ever. They worked with sedating me, but that didn’t stop the nonsense from poring out of my mouth. Finally after 2 months of destroying my school life in school and outside of school...my parents checked me into a hospital, where I was put on lithium; which finally did the trick. This summer I focused on getting better and I started exercising again, since my last trip to the gym two years ago. Around Late August, I was throwing up the little amount of food I was consuming...It'd been around 5 months since my last purge. School was getting nearer and I started stressing out...I ate less and less, till I dropped slowly down to 113. I know, I know that's nothing...a BMI of 19.3...whoopity do da day...but mind you I was a stocky gordo piggy monster, weighing in at a grand total of 148Ibs not more then a year and a half ago. A little over two years ago I was 95Ibs...and not near enough to the pure boney flesh of perfection. The pressure from my parents to eat drove me to the point of binge eating my reality away from Ana. In elementary up till the 6th grade in JR High, I'd come home and stuff my face with food...5-8 granola bars in one sitting, followed by a regular meal...Puberty hit me sooner then expected and my weight soared to 100Ibs at the height of 5'2 in 5th grade. I was a shy kid, who happen to make friends easily when I bothered to dig my head out of the book I was reading for that week; but I still got teased and called fat...I wasn’t the fattest, but I had some extra insulation...Summer before 6th grade I started purging after my binge, and the baby fat dropped off by the middle of my 6th grade term. I became overly active w/ working out, to the point of staying up till 3am in the morning doing crunches and push ups, running 1-4 miles a night on the treadmill. I was in swell shape by 8th grade...but depression hit me hard and I started cutting and experimenting with drugs, shrums, alcohol, prescription pills...things got out of hand, and when my boyfriend dumped me because he couldn't "handle my shit anymore" I finally snapped. My average weight of 114-120Ibs, dropped to 95Ibs by my freshmen year in high school. I got positive and negative responses from people. My parents were on edge, and wouldn’t allow me to leave the house without telling them why I’m so selfish and at least have a bit to eat. My mom had kicked me out of the house in 8th grade, so I was living with my dad in Bothell. He had moved there the summer before my freshmen year, I entered 9th grade at sky view Jr High expecting nothing and everything. I felt good about my decreasing waistline and the euphoric feeling that Ana was giving me...I found that guys noticed my overall physique more then ever before. I was the new girl with the sunken eyes and sharp hipbones. Now today I weigh 128(*That includes period pounds) and I just realized...the scale doesn’t measure fat...more then half of my body could be lard...I need to get off my ass...which is hard at this point in time because I just dropped out of school (*regular high school), looking into alternative schools, to avoid walking past the dozens of faces that share the memory of the girl who wasn’t me. The girl who took over who I was and completely threw my life in the trash. The thought of suicide has crossed my mind daily, but Ana is giving me strength to snap out of my "pity party" and perfect the faults at hand. I'm ruining friendships, family relationships, regular social habits... (Going out w/ friends is a tiring robotic chore)Looking in the mirror is utterly horrifying. I'm ashamed to get a job, because I don't know anything about anything. I'm seventeen, don't have a job, or my drivers license, I've isolated most all the people I know. I'm selfish, childlike, immuture...and I cause stress and chaos to everyone around me. The only thing that will make me keep pushing on is Ana.

Age: 17
Height: 5’4
Weight: 128
Waist: 28 1/2"
Hips: 37"
Chest: 37"
Heigh: 20 1/2"
Calf: 13"
Wrist: 5"
Neck: 11 1/2"
Upper Arm: 10 1/2"

SGW: 120 by 9.5 days.
LGW: 110 by 19.5 days.

>< Sorry for taking up space w/ my phooey teenage ranting.
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[10 Nov 2004|12:25pm]

Hey girls. I have just created a new community for people with any eating disorder. You can do whatever you want there. Post thinspiration, share tips, whatever...please join. I want it to be a safe place for us all to go.

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[19 Aug 2004|01:56am]
this comm looks semi dead
but i love the icon alot. bc i love zebra shit.
im anne, 5'5", 112
im 19, and ive been ana for 4 yrs off and on
i was "recovered" for about 7 months until this summer and remembered how good it feels to lose
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[26 Jul 2004|04:57am]
Come join
the thinspirational community
be thin
be beautiful

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[19 Jul 2004|05:54pm]

Quotes.Collapse )

Motivation.Collapse )

Diet Tips.Collapse )

Tools.Collapse )

Stats.Collapse )

Letter.Collapse )

Why?Collapse )

Suicide Stats.Collapse )
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